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Satan Subpoened:
Satan, Lord of Darkness and Master of All Evil, has been subpoened to appear in court and testify on behalf of his alleged victims.

Many believe that he could clear up the confusion as to who was actually at fault. But sources close to the courts say it's unlikely the Evil Master will even appear at the hearings.

"My master Lucifer has refused to appear in court on religious grounds," said a spokesperson from Hell in Parktown, a small sub-suburb located within a wealthy suburb in Johannesburg, where Satan has made his home. "It is well known that if our Lord of Darkness were to place his hand on a Bible and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, he would burst into flames and die."

Satan owes billions of Rands, Pounds, French Francs, and especially American Dollars in fines for his numerous failures to appear in courts aroung the world.

"We can't be sure the person we arrest will be Satan Himself," said the spokesperson. "It might turn out to be some black guy they found wandering around without shoes on. It happens sometimes... OK, it happens a lot."